Another thing that gives me solace is the tattoo of Pixel's actual paw (tiny fingernails and bits of fur too!) that I got years ago when he was here. It's placed on my upper inner right bicep, where Pixel would rest his paw every night when we slept.
Finally, I wear a small gold necklace that some dear friends got for me last year. It has two charms - one is a heart with a paw print cutout and the other is a tiny letter "p". I don't wear jewelry other than my thin rose gold wedding band but I now wear this necklace all the time.
Sometimes I feel like I would have handled Pixel's passing a little better if it weren't so tragic. I just had no time to say goodbye. I couldn't even be there for him right when he got hit because I was at work and that just kills me inside. I literally got the worst call of my life at the office and I screamed and cried and fell to the floor. My heart sank and my world ended. My dear neighbor/friend was with him the whole time, the woman who hit him was there, my mom was with him, and a kind bicyclist was with him. I know animals live in the present and he didn't suffer so I take some comfort in that. It's just hard still and he was so very special to me and brought so much joy to others. An animal's love is so unconditional and never once did I take that for granted with Pixel.
I set up a little memorial in front of our house with his photo and some little tidbits about him. I put fresh flowers by it whenever I can. Here's what the memorial says:
Pixel was PURE LOVE and we miss him dearly. Tragically hit by a car in front of our home and taken from us way too soon, he will never be forgotten. Anyone who was lucky enough to know him could tell you how exceptionally sweet and endearing he was. A huge heart and soul in a small 12-pound body, Pixel was more than just a dog or family pet. He was my best friend, my soul mate dog, my little shadow and a true member of our family. He will be in our hearts forever and will always be part of the original Jackson Five family. We gave him the best life and he did the same for us. Our lives will forever be changed because he was a part of it.
THIS WAS PIXEL:
He LOVED hot laundry more than anything. No matter where he was in the house, if I said the words, “HOT LAUNDRY” he would come racing over and bury himself in a huge pile and stay there until there was only one sock left.
When I sat down, he would be on my lap within seconds and followed me everywhere like a little shadow.
Pixel also loved the sun and parked his body wherever there was a sun spot in the house.
He only barked at two things – someone at the door or random stuff that he “saw” that seemed out of the ordinary.
His paws smelled exactly like Fritos corn chips.
The insides of his ears smelled like soy sauce.
Whenever we would say, “Bang! Bang!” he would flip over onto his back. To him, this meant getting a belly rub and making people laugh. It was his only trick but he perfected it.
He was SO incredibly patient and tolerant of the kids. They would sit on him, hug him a little too hard, try to ride him. Not once was he angry ohurt or jealous. He would run away and come find me so I could protect him. Or he would give them a taste of his own medicine and try to hump them.
Without fail, he would be the first one to greet me at the door, sometimes running out the door to say hi.
He let us dress him up for Halloween.
He always let me cut his nails and brush his teeth without a grunt.
He loved playing fetch with his Flying Squirrel toy and was so good at it too.
He snorted and snored in bed every night.
Whenever I read to the boys, he would jump on my lap no matter what uncomfortable position he would end up in. He didn’t care. He just wanted to be with me.
He loved the beach but would run away from the waves.
He loved running and exploring in the park and on hikes — for a senior dog, he was amazingly agile.
He was a top notch watch dog. Not a good guard dog but he would try hard when he had to.
He would sleep anywhere we wanted him to as long as he was close to us – on top of our legs, on top of our belly, in the middle of the bed, on the edge of the bed. But most nights he would sleep nestled in between my right arm and my belly — my hot water bottle.
For some reason, he loved it when kids threw sand or splashed water in his face. He would always try and catch it with his mouth.
He let us put clothes on him for warmth even though he didn’t like it much.
He loved his favorite soccer ball. He would "nurse" it forever and it was disgustingly wet but he loved it and it made him feel safe and happy.
He loved to chase squirrels and birds.
He loved to hump crossed legs or crawling babies. Yes, it’s true.
Thanks for listening to me today. It's actually been a really rough year for a lot of my friends and family's pets.
Here are some of my favorite Pixel photos. I'm so happy to share with you what he meant to me. I still hope to have a "celebration of his life" party at some point when I'm ready.
